Category: King Con

Conrad is really into food. When we ask him what he wants for his birthday or for Christmas, the answer is often “food.” (I promise, we do feed him the rest of the year as well.) He eats every meal like it’s the first one he’s had in years. He eats quickly and doesn’t waste a crumb. Once, during dinner, I asked him to slow down as I often do. I then started talking with the other kids. A few minutes later, I noticed that Conrad appeared to be frozen in the background, his spoon held in midair. I watched him closely and noticed that he WAS moving…barely. He hadn’t had another bite but was working on it. He had simply slowed down.

Conrad and I went for an evening bike ride to pick up some Justin’s Dark Chocolate Peanut Butter Cups (pretty much my favorite treat). On our way back, we took the long path through the park. We were the only people on the trail, and there was a nice breeze. As I was riding over the bridge, I looked at the water below and thought about how good it felt to be alive, cruising through the park with my son. Conrad must have appreciated it too because, a second later, I hear him yell, “THIS IS PLEASANT!”

Conrad came wandering into our room after everyone, including Conrad, had gone to bed. His eyes were half open, but he wasn’t responding to any of my questions. He just stood by me and looked around. I asked one last time, “What’s up, Conrad?” He looked off to the side while pounding his fists together like a baseball catcher, and said in a reassuring tone, “We’ve got it together.”

I laughed a little, then tried to clarify…”We? You and I have it together?” Conrad said yes, then climbed into our bed (not his own).

We’ve been working on Chimeras for quite a while now, so it’s good to finally have something to show for it…

Help us spread the word and, if you like it, you can preorder them here.

After filming the video, Conrad looked at us and asked, “So, are we getting any money for this?” I told him that it was a fair question — and a good question — but that he wasn’t getting paid. He paused for a second and asked a follow-up question, “Then why are we doing it?”

Conrad was doing a bunch of addition problems to impress everyone. He said, “A thousand plus a thousand is two thousand. Infinity plus infinity is two finity.

Claire: OK kids, what do you do if a stranger comes to the door?

Conrad: We say, “Eat slugs, Malfoy!”

Rather than saying “great-great-great grandfather” like the rest of us, Conrad says “greatest grandfather.” So, we all have a great grandfather, a greater grandfather, and a greatest grandfather. It makes sense (sort of) and it’s much shorter. We could even take it a step further: grandfather, grander-father, grandest-father.

I am assuming (hoping) that this was inspired by “The Incredibles” but today Conrad said, “If I could stretch my body, I could stretch my penis all the way back to the house and go to the bathroom without leaving the park!”

Conrad was sleeping, but we had to wake him up. This is what he said:

Conrad: I wanted to do it.
Rich: Do what?
Conrad: make it smaller.
Rich: Make what smaller?
Conrad: Everything I say makes sense.

I can’t talk to him when he’s like this.