Archives: Wild West’n

The Birds

the-birds Weston drew some pretty rad birds.

Art drunken midgets Wild West'n


The boys and I started watching the original Transformers cartoon before bed recently. Weston and Conrad are transfixed. Weston takes notes, recording all of their names and attributes, though I don’t recognize any of the names he’s written down so far. He has been singing his own interpretation of the theme song, “Transformers: more-da-me-see-eye!” Claire heard it and added, “Robots in da sky!” I tried to correct Weston, but he gave me a skeptical look — then continued as if my suggestion made no sense at all.

drunken midgets Wild West'n

Essay Contest

Weston’s class was asked to write an essay about a school rule they would like to change. This was Weston’s submission…

Art drunken midgets Wild West'n

Sensei Weston

Weston has started his own karate class. Conrad and Shauna are his pupils and he shows them no mercy.

Wild West'n


We were watching something on hulu and a Neutrogena commercial came on. Then it came on again. And again. And again. I could never understand why they play the same commercial over and over.

We take advantage of the break to tease each other, tickle each other, or just talk. Well, this time, Weston shushed us all and watched the Neutrogena commercial with great interest. I asked him if he wanted me to buy him some Neutrogena and he said, “Well, I do want to get rid of my wrinkles.”

Weston is six years old. I guess repetition works — yikes.

drunken midgets Wild West'n

He means it.

Weston woke up and came stumbling into our room. He said, “Where is Julia? I mean it!” Claire and I didn’t know what to say, so we stared at him blankly. He got frustrated, turned around, and went back to bed.

Your guess is as good as mine.

drunken midgets Wild West'n


Claire has been teaching the kids about the Civil War and Weston came in and told me all about “Honest Babe.”

Rich: Honest who?

Weston: Babe. Babe-raham Lincoln.

So, do I correct him?

drunken midgets Wild West'n

Weston’s Turkey

Every Thanksgiving, the Kindergarteners at our school get to paint a life-size paper turkey and then write down their version of “How to Cook a Turkey.” Here’s Weston’s:

Go to Target and get a turkey for $50.00.
Mix together:
9 cups of garlic
5 chocolate bars
1 spoon of salt
This goes on top. Cook in the microwave for six minutes on medium. When it beeps, wash it and take the heart out. Crack the wishbone.
Eat it.

drunken midgets Wild West'n


From my bedroom, I hear a loud thud. This isn’t all that uncommon, so I keep doing whatever it was I was doing. I hear another thud. And another. I decided it was time to see what was going on. I walk in the living room and Weston has a chair from the kids’ table held high over his head. He told me the thud was from his throwing the chair. I asked him not to do that anymore and, out of curiosity, asked him why he was repeatedly picking up the chair and throwing it. He told me, in case there was a burglar, he wanted to show the burglar how strong he was.

drunken midgets Wild West'n

Kids Nowadays

Weston went to his school’s orientation yesterday. The teacher came back and told Claire how cute Weston is — but she said it with a grin that meant there was more to the story. It turns out the teacher asked Weston what he likes and his answer was, “Violence.”

UPDATE: After posting this, Claire wanted me to mention that she has since had a talk with the boys and explained that, when talking to other people, they like “action” movies, not “violent” movies.

drunken midgets Wild West'n