Archives: Wild West’n

Sensei Weston

Weston has started his own karate class. Conrad and Shauna are his pupils and he shows them no mercy.

Wild West'n


We were watching something on hulu and a Neutrogena commercial came on. Then it came on again. And again. And again. I could never understand why they play the same commercial over and over.

We take advantage of the break to tease each other, tickle each other, or just talk. Well, this time, Weston shushed us all and watched the Neutrogena commercial with great interest. I asked him if he wanted me to buy him some Neutrogena and he said, “Well, I do want to get rid of my wrinkles.”

Weston is six years old. I guess repetition works — yikes.

drunken midgets Wild West'n

He means it.

Weston woke up and came stumbling into our room. He said, “Where is Julia? I mean it!” Claire and I didn’t know what to say, so we stared at him blankly. He got frustrated, turned around, and went back to bed.

Your guess is as good as mine.

drunken midgets Wild West'n


Claire has been teaching the kids about the Civil War and Weston came in and told me all about “Honest Babe.”

Rich: Honest who?

Weston: Babe. Babe-raham Lincoln.

So, do I correct him?

drunken midgets Wild West'n

Weston’s Turkey

Every Thanksgiving, the Kindergarteners at our school get to paint a life-size paper turkey and then write down their version of “How to Cook a Turkey.” Here’s Weston’s:

Go to Target and get a turkey for $50.00.
Mix together:
9 cups of garlic
5 chocolate bars
1 spoon of salt
This goes on top. Cook in the microwave for six minutes on medium. When it beeps, wash it and take the heart out. Crack the wishbone.
Eat it.

drunken midgets Wild West'n


From my bedroom, I hear a loud thud. This isn’t all that uncommon, so I keep doing whatever it was I was doing. I hear another thud. And another. I decided it was time to see what was going on. I walk in the living room and Weston has a chair from the kids’ table held high over his head. He told me the thud was from his throwing the chair. I asked him not to do that anymore and, out of curiosity, asked him why he was repeatedly picking up the chair and throwing it. He told me, in case there was a burglar, he wanted to show the burglar how strong he was.

drunken midgets Wild West'n

Kids Nowadays

Weston went to his school’s orientation yesterday. The teacher came back and told Claire how cute Weston is — but she said it with a grin that meant there was more to the story. It turns out the teacher asked Weston what he likes and his answer was, “Violence.”

UPDATE: After posting this, Claire wanted me to mention that she has since had a talk with the boys and explained that, when talking to other people, they like “action” movies, not “violent” movies.

drunken midgets Wild West'n

The Kids…in 3D

I liked all of the photos I took of the kids in their 3D glasses, but this is my favorite because it looks like a band photo.

drunken midgets Good Ju-Ju King Con Wild West'n

Old MacDonald’s

Weston and I went to McDonald’s — or Old MacDonald’s as he calls it. The Happy Meal comes with a few choices: nuggets, burger, fries…and, if you want the nuggets, there are a bunch of weird sauces you can get with them. I repeat the choices to Weston and realize this is a very important decision for him. As I wait for an answer, I notice he’s thinking so hard, his ears are wiggling. Now, West is really good at wiggling his ears. He usually does it just to appease his parents, but apparently, it’s more than an amusing human trick.

drunken midgets Wild West'n


Julia’s friend had a birthday party and everyone was supposed to dress up like rockstars. The whole idea was inspired by Hannah Montana and Julia is not a fan. So, I suggested we paint her face like the band KISS. She, of course, has no idea who KISS is, but went along with the idea anyway. I asked Julia what her friends thought of her face painting and she said, “Well, the adults all seemed to like it.”

The boys felt left out, so we painted their faces as well. Conrad wanted a blonde beard. We couldn’t talk him out of it.

drunken midgets Good Ju-Ju King Con Wild West'n