Category: drunken midgets

Conrad calls porcupines “pokey-pines,” because “they have so many pokies.” So, the question is, why do we call them “porcupines?” I looked up the answer:

Middle English porke despyne, from Middle French porc espin, from Old Italian…blah, blah, blah.

I like Conrad’s better. Middle French…pssshhh

He calls it “Oonle,” but Conrad is quite the little Uno player. When he plays at the kitchen table, he lays all of his cards out on the bench. This way, no one can tell how many cards he has left. We asked him to keep all of his cards on the table, which he tried. He had all of his cards spread out on the table, face down. When it was his turn, he turned each card over, one by one, until he found the one he wanted. It took so long that we all capitulated and let him put them back down on the bench. If it were any other kid, I would assume it was because he didn’t know what he was doing. Something tells me Conrad is just being clever about how he wins at Oonle.

“Do I look like a warrior?”    -Conrad

The entire family is up at the cabin. It is really early in the morning. My sister is sleeping and hears a cough really close to her. She is really groggy and opens her eyes to find Conrad right next to her face, staring at her. As soon as Conrad thinks my sister is awake enough to give him a response, he asks, “Do you know where the ice cream is?”