Category: drunken midgets

February 21, 2016 Hardy Har Har-per, rich and beautiful Post a Comment

Easy-E…sel

Harper asked us if she could have a weasel for her birthday (which is more than six months away, incidentally). I thought this was an odd request, so I asked some clarifying questions. She further explained, “You know, one of those things you paint on.” It turns out she wants an easel, not a weasel — which is only slightly less weird for a six year old, maybe.

Claire, always seizing an opportunity to teach told her that the word “easel” got its name because it makes painting so easy! I looked up the real etymology and Google says it comes from the Dutch word, “ezel” which means “ass” or “horse” to denote a supporting frame. I prefer Claire’s version; Harper prefers Google’s version. Avik prefers calling it a weasel.

December 20, 2015 drunken midgets, King Con Post a Comment

Slow Down

Conrad is really into food. When we ask him what he wants for his birthday or for Christmas, the answer is often “food.” (I promise, we do feed him the rest of the year as well.) He eats every meal like it’s the first one he’s had in years. He eats quickly and doesn’t waste a crumb. Once, during dinner, I asked him to slow down as I often do. I then started talking with the other kids. A few minutes later, I noticed that Conrad appeared to be frozen in the background, his spoon held in midair. I watched him closely and noticed that he WAS moving…barely. He hadn’t had another bite but was working on it. He had simply slowed down.

November 29, 2015 Hardy Har Har-per Post a Comment

Stephen Curry

We are big Trail Blazer fans. We also love watching Stephen Curry play. We were excited to go to a Warriors/Blazers game, and we were getting ready to walk out the door. Harper showed Claire a drawing that she did, and explained that she wanted to give it to Stephen Curry.

Everywhere we go, Harper makes about three new friends. She just assumed that, since we were going to a game, and that Stephen Curry was going to be there, then she would be her normal gregarious self and become friends with the most famous, most popular basketball player in the world.

I wish I could say that Harper willed it into being, but the closest we got was getting caught in a stampede of half-naked BlazerDancers.

September 20, 2015 drunken midgets, King Con Post a Comment

Pleasant

conraddle

Conrad and I went for an evening bike ride to pick up some Justin’s Dark Chocolate Peanut Butter Cups (pretty much my favorite treat). On our way back, we took the long path through the park. We were the only people on the trail, and there was a nice breeze. As I was riding over the bridge, I looked at the water below and thought about how good it felt to be alive, cruising through the park with my son. Conrad must have appreciated it too because, a second later, I hear him yell, “THIS IS PLEASANT!”

March 31, 2015 drunken midgets, Good Ju-Ju Post a Comment

Morning Commute

One of my favorite things recently is driving Julia and her friends to school in the morning.

One morning, Julia’s friend, Grace, asked me why the gas gauge was on “E.” I answered very matter-of-factly, “Oh, that’s because there isn’t any gas in the car.” I was expecting a chuckle from Julia at least, but I got nothing. A few moments later, it was clear that Grace was still wrestling with the question and asked, “Is this an electric car?” I answered very matter-of-factly, “Oh, no, there definitely should be gas in the car.”

This morning, Grace asked me if we were driving to school the Google way. It took me a second, but I remembered that we used Google to see which route it thought was fastest.  I told Grace that we were going the “Google” way and asked if she would rather I go a different way. She answered, “No, you keep going with your bad self.”

June 15, 2014 drunken midgets, my family and other animals, rich and beautiful, richie Post a Comment

Whale!

We had been on the boat for about 10 minutes, but I had already lost hope of seeing any whales. I really like whales. Whales and octopuses (or “octopi” if you prefer) tie for first place on my list of coolest living creatures. (Have you seen this video? Or this one?)

So, in order to avoid disappointment, I was comforting myself with the fact that the boat ride was already a lot of fun. We were all standing at the front of the boat, enjoying the wind and the waves. Everyone was looking off to the right, where the most recent sighting had been.

Maybe I was wallowing a bit (I really wanted to see some whales), but I was staring down at the water in front of the boat. Suddenly, the water became slightly grey, and the grey was expanding, replacing the blue that was there before. There was a little monologue happening in my brain:

Hey, what’s that?
I think that might be a whale!
A whale!
That’s a whale!!

Although my brain was screaming, I wasn’t saying a word — and no one else was either.

Suddenly, I just started yelling, “WHAAAAAAAAAALE! WHAAAALE! WHAAAALE! WHAAAAAALE!”

Noise erupted as everyone noticed the whale emerging from the water. It was so close, the boat had to slam on the brakes and quickly switch to reverse to avoid an accident.

On second thought, maybe the octopus is a close second.

May 18, 2014 drunken midgets, Hardy Har Har-per Post a Comment

Harper and the Wee-Wees

cute kid on a boatWhen Harper was young, she couldn’t quite pronounce the name of her best friend, Avery. Whenever she saw Avery, she would scream, “Wee Wee!” I would scream “Wee Wee” as well just because I thought it was funny — and because it seemed to irritate her parents. I continued doing it long after Harper stopped (or started saying it correctly). Avery always laughed and said, “My name is not ‘Wee Wee!'”

It soon escalated to the point that all of Harper’s friends were playing the game. Whenever they saw me, they would immediately warn me not to call them “Wee Wee.” I would of course respond by calling them “Wee Wee,” and they would run away giggling.

One morning, Harper came in my room, and we were talking about the upcoming day. She then came up with what is probably a more acceptable way to refer to small children than what I had been using up to this point, “drunken midgets.” I don’t remember what she said, but it involved “the wee-wees” coming over.

…I also think it would make a good name for a band, but I tend to think that about everything.

May 4, 2014 drunken midgets, Hardy Har Har-per, Wild West'n Post a Comment

Wavey Wavey

We were talking about our plans for the day. Harper said she was excited for one particular activity, which was not yet a fixed part of the plan. Harper often does this as a way to ensure that decisions are made in her favor. Weston attempted to manage her expectations and said that the activity — I don’t remember what it was, or I would be able to use fewer pronouns to talk about it — was “wavey-wavey”. I asked Weston what he meant, and he said, “You know, wavey wavey,” rocking (or waving) his hand back and forth, the common gesture to imply uncertainty. Just in case it turns into a common phrase, I want to be sure Weston gets credit.