Tough Love

After a delicious lunch at Whole Foods I started to feel a little sick. Walking around downtown Portland, I suddenly knew the time was near: I was going to throw up. Now, when I throw up, it is VIOLENT. It is LOUD. And, of course, it is MESSY. I looked around to find the best place to do such a thing. There was a garbage can in front of me, but I just couldn’t bring myself to stick my head in it. There were several restaurants, but it just seemed wildly inappropriate. The best option seemed to be some planters. I thought it might even fertilize the plants or have some other beneficial side effect I don’t understand. I went around the corner to find one on a not-so-busy street and paused for a second. Next to the planter was a young couple — high school age, maybe — making out. Now, it was the type of making out in public that annoys everybody. Even if I wanted to find a different spot (which didn’t happen to be the case), I was running out of time. I walked over to the planter, placed my hands on the edge and let out a really big dry heave. Rather than vomit, what came out was a big painful scream. I can’t really say what their reaction was, but it had to have been good after seeing this guy walk over to their planter, grab the edge like he’s going to pull it apart, then yell at the top of his lungs for no apparent reason. Serves ’em right.

Sorry there is no photo to go along with this, not that you would want one.

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