I'm Rich. She's beautiful.
When I was a kid, my brothers and sisters told me I was a baby giraffe that my mom stole from a zoo. They called me “baby long neck.” As the story went, my mom fixed all the mirrors in the house so I saw a boy when I looked.
After posting this photo on Facebook, my brother instant messaged me:
Tom: jerk!
Rich: haha
Tom: At least your pants fit in that picture
Rich: Your pants would fit too if they weren’t pulled up to your chest.
I am assuming (hoping) that this was inspired by “The Incredibles” but today Conrad said, “If I could stretch my body, I could stretch my penis all the way back to the house and go to the bathroom without leaving the park!”
Weston woke up and came stumbling into our room. He said, “Where is Julia? I mean it!” Claire and I didn’t know what to say, so we stared at him blankly. He got frustrated, turned around, and went back to bed.
Your guess is as good as mine.
Conrad was sleeping, but we had to wake him up. This is what he said:
Conrad: I wanted to do it.
Rich: Do what?
Conrad: make it smaller.
Rich: Make what smaller?
Conrad: Everything I say makes sense.
I can’t talk to him when he’s like this.
Claire has been teaching the kids about the Civil War and Weston came in and told me all about “Honest Babe.”
Rich: Honest who?
Weston: Babe. Babe-raham Lincoln.
So, do I correct him?
Conrad calls porcupines “pokey-pines,” because “they have so many pokies.” So, the question is, why do we call them “porcupines?” I looked up the answer:
Middle English porke despyne, from Middle French porc espin, from Old Italian…blah, blah, blah.
I like Conrad’s better. Middle French…pssshhh
Conrad has been drawing a lot of monsters lately.
Every Thanksgiving, the Kindergarteners at our school get to paint a life-size paper turkey and then write down their version of “How to Cook a Turkey.” Here’s Weston’s:
Go to Target and get a turkey for $50.00.
Mix together:
9 cups of garlic
5 chocolate bars
1 spoon of salt
This goes on top. Cook in the microwave for six minutes on medium. When it beeps, wash it and take the heart out. Crack the wishbone.
Eat it.
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