Apparently, this is what we’d look like if we were ever guest stars on the Simpsons. Special thanks to Avik.
Kill All the Bad Guys!
We were in church. The kids were somewhere close by…we were certain. Anyway, they seemed to be entertaining themselves, so we figured we’d relax and listen to the speaker. The talk was about charity…about loving your fellow-people…etc…etc…etc. Just as we were remembering what it was like to go to church and actually listen to what was said, we hear Weston. Weston was, until now, quietly playing in the row behind us. Loud enough to make everyone in the vicinity wonder what kind of parents this kid had, he bangs a couple toys together and yells, “Kiw aw da bah-byes!” Despite his tendency to mumble on occasion, this was loud and clear. I actually think the people sitting around us appreciated his contribution. You just don’t get enough “kill all the bad guys” at church anymore.
Wakeboard Revival
I was driving. Tyler (Treelo) was wakeboarding. Claire was with me in the boat. Suddenly, Claire yells, “Down!” I interpreted this to mean that Tyler had fallen and that I needed to turn around and retrieve him. I slow down dramatically and turn the boat around when Claire yells, “Up!” I’m amazed. How did Tyler go down then pull himself back up? I’m impressed. Five seconds later, “Down!” Now I’m really confused. I realize Claire and I aren’t thinking the same thing. I finally figure out “down” and “up” referred to the speed at which the boat was travelling, NOT Tyler’s position. For future reference, “faster” and “slower” do just as well. I wish I was watching rather than driving. It had to be funny to see Tyler’s face when I slowed down to 5 mph and started to turn the boat around.
Blind Faith
When I was a kid, I went to the 5th street ramp as often as I could find a ride. “5th Street” was a halfpipe that was 12 feet high and 20 feet wide, with 2 1/2 feet of vert. A major breakthrough for a 10 year old ramp skater is starting from the top and “dropping in.” The problem is when you are standing on top of the ramp looking down, you can’t see the top half of the ramp. What often happened was people would hang their board over the edge and stare down into the ramp. This would inevitably scare them out of going through with it.
One day, I was at the ramp with some other kids, one of whom wanted to drop in. He asked for advice, and I told him not to stare at the ramp. He walked up the ladder in back of the ramp, walked to the edge, placed his skateboard over the edge with one foot…and looked straight up at the sky. I thought he was praying…Then, still looking straight upward, he went to put his other foot on the board…which he very nearly accomplished…and fell straight to the bottom of the ramp.
Because of the ambulance and chaos that followed, it took me a while to realize that I was to blame. He was just trying not to stare at the ramp. A few years later, I ran into him, whom I was able to identify because of the gnarly scar on his forearm. I felt terrible. Unfortunately, I was never able to give my revised advice for dropping in, which would be: “Put BOTH feet on the skateboard and don’t fall.”