I liked all of the photos I took of the kids in their 3D glasses, but this is my favorite because it looks like a band photo.
Jelly Beans
It’s Easter time, so Conrad’s thoughts are mostly about Easter eggs and candy. While taking a bath, he looks down at his…uh…boys…and asks, “Do I have jelly beans in there?”
I asked Claire if I could post this on the blog and she said, “If you must.”
I must.
Old MacDonald’s
Weston and I went to McDonald’s — or Old MacDonald’s as he calls it. The Happy Meal comes with a few choices: nuggets, burger, fries…and, if you want the nuggets, there are a bunch of weird sauces you can get with them. I repeat the choices to Weston and realize this is a very important decision for him. As I wait for an answer, I notice he’s thinking so hard, his ears are wiggling. Now, West is really good at wiggling his ears. He usually does it just to appease his parents, but apparently, it’s more than an amusing human trick.
Richie
Claire and I have our songs like every other couple. Because I rarely sing, I thought it would be a fun gift if I recorded myself singing all of “our songs” and make a CD for her. Now, this was never intended to be a CD that she actually listens to, at least not more than once. The idea was to sing it with my own version of the lyrics, bad imitation of the singer’s voice, and an overall listening experience that one could only endure once, but that would hopefully get a good laugh.
I finally set out to record myself singing these songs in a nearby church parking lot where there were no cars. I pulled out my laptop and starting to sing as loudly as I could into the microphone. It was so loud, I am sure the sound escaped the car. These ideal circumstances lasted about ten seconds. Quickly, the parking lot started to fill up with cars. People were walking by, staring at some guy sitting alone in his car, yelling. I couldn’t stop because I was in the middle of a song and, besides, people kept coming. There must have been an event or something. I was determined to make this CD, so I kept singing.
I finish recording, go home, find a Lionel Richie album cover and photoshop out the “Lionel” so it just read “Richie.” I then put my face on Lionel Richie’s body, preserving his mustache and afro. And no, I’m not posting any of the songs or the album cover.
Pistoss
We are at a restaurant and I ask Conrad how he likes his dinner. He turns his head and says, “Well, it’s just a little pistoss.” Claire seems to understand perfectly, so I ask her what “pistoss” is. She tells me it’s just a word that Conrad has been using lately. I ask Conrad what “pistoss” means and he answers, “Pistoss means stupid.” We told the kids not to use the word “stupid” when talking about people, so Conrad made up his own.
When Harper smiles…
…she also sticks her tongue out at me. I never know if she’s laughing with me or at me.
Polite, the Conrad Way
Rich: Conrad, will you pick up your clothes, please?
Con: No, thank you.
Rich changes a tire
I changed my first tire the other day. I took the spare out, rolled it to the far end of the garage by the front of the two cars, turned it, and leaned it up against the wall. I walked about 20 feet and grabbed the jack. As I was walking back, I noticed the tire was not where I left it. I got to the spot between the two cars in time to see the tire rolling out of the garage, quickly. I ran after it, but it beat me to the end of the driveway and turned down the street. Seriously, it just made a right after rolling out of the garage. It was like a remote control tire — and the driver was some punk hiding in a tree, laughing at me.
We live on a bit of a hill, so the tire started cruising down the street. I ran as fast as I could after it and tried kicking to knock it over. It wobbled a little but kept rolling, faster and faster. I tried again and, once again, there was a little wobble but it had too much momentum at this point. Finally, I charged the tire and was able to at least change its course. It rolled right into the driveway of someone who lives too far from us to really be considered a neighbor, came to a stop as though the punk kid had grown tired of playing with me, and toppled over.
In my dreams
I woke up the other morning and Claire told me that I said something in my sleep. This is always good news for me because I don’t ever remember anything and it’s fun to try and guess what it means about my subconscious. This time, apparently, I giggled and said, “EXCELLENT!”
The first incident happened right after we were married. This was when Claire wasn’t sure if I was talking in my sleep because, apparently, I speak clearly…well, I speak the same as I normally do. So, I sat up, pointed my finger around the room and said, “And we’ll have flamingos here, here, and here.”
My favorite story was when Claire was 8 months pregnant with Julia and sound asleep. This time, I guess my tone was more urgent than the others, “Turn on the lights.” Claire replied, “I’m pregnant. You turn on the lights.” I repeat, “Turn on the lights.” Claire wondered what could have been so important to justify disturbing her slumber, rolled herself out of bed (Not really…Claire hardly shows when she is pregnant. I just wanted to make it more dramatic), and turned on the lights. Immediately, I covered my eyes and said, “What are you doing?!?! Turn off the lights!” Claire, not amused, retorted, “You told me to!” Understandably irritated because Claire just woke me up for no reason, I turned over and went back to sleep.
I get a bigger kick out of this story than Claire does.
Harper’s Journal
We started a journal for Harper and Julia wanted to illustrate it. This was the first page that Julia did:
Now that’s just inappropriate.