Archives: March 2011


I got a package in the mail today. Inside a big roll of packaging material I find this:

Then I look in the bottom of the box and find a photo of my friend, Trever:

I’m not sure what else to say about this…


The Greatest

Rather than saying “great-great-great grandfather” like the rest of us, Conrad says “greatest grandfather.” So, we all have a great grandfather, a greater grandfather, and a greatest grandfather. It makes sense (sort of) and it’s much shorter. We could even take it a step further: grandfather, grander-father, grandest-father.

drunken midgets King Con


We were watching something on hulu and a Neutrogena commercial came on. Then it came on again. And again. And again. I could never understand why they play the same commercial over and over.

We take advantage of the break to tease each other, tickle each other, or just talk. Well, this time, Weston shushed us all and watched the Neutrogena commercial with great interest. I asked him if he wanted me to buy him some Neutrogena and he said, “Well, I do want to get rid of my wrinkles.”

Weston is six years old. I guess repetition works — yikes.

drunken midgets Wild West'n

Baby Long Neck

When I was a kid, my brothers and sisters told me I was a baby giraffe that my mom stole from a zoo. They called me “baby long neck.” As the story went, my mom fixed all the mirrors in the house so I saw a boy when I looked.

After posting this photo on Facebook, my brother instant messaged me:

Tom: jerk!
Rich: haha
Tom: At least your pants fit in that picture
Rich: Your pants would fit too if they weren’t pulled up to your chest.

my family and other animals richie


I am assuming (hoping) that this was inspired by “The Incredibles” but today Conrad said, “If I could stretch my body, I could stretch my penis all the way back to the house and go to the bathroom without leaving the park!”

drunken midgets King Con

He means it.

Weston woke up and came stumbling into our room. He said, “Where is Julia? I mean it!” Claire and I didn’t know what to say, so we stared at him blankly. He got frustrated, turned around, and went back to bed.

Your guess is as good as mine.

drunken midgets Wild West'n


Conrad was sleeping, but we had to wake him up. This is what he said:

Conrad: I wanted to do it.
Rich: Do what?
Conrad: make it smaller.
Rich: Make what smaller?
Conrad: Everything I say makes sense.

I can’t talk to him when he’s like this.

drunken midgets King Con


Claire has been teaching the kids about the Civil War and Weston came in and told me all about “Honest Babe.”

Rich: Honest who?

Weston: Babe. Babe-raham Lincoln.

So, do I correct him?

drunken midgets Wild West'n