My Ophthalmologist father-in-law misunderstood what I wanted for Christmas. 
Warrior
“Do I look like a warrior?” -Conrad
Ice Cream
The entire family is up at the cabin. It is really early in the morning. My sister is sleeping and hears a cough really close to her. She is really groggy and opens her eyes to find Conrad right next to her face, staring at her. As soon as Conrad thinks my sister is awake enough to give him a response, he asks, “Do you know where the ice cream is?”
Harper Update
Victoria
Claire got the movie Young Victoria and told me it is supposed to be really good. I asked who told her it was good and she vaguely answered, “a lot of people.” Immediately after it started, I said, “My dad would love this.” Claire replied, “Yeah, he really liked it.” So, it came out that my dad recommended it and Claire was afraid to tell me because I would assume it was boooooring and refuse to watch.
Knowing this, my expectations were sufficiently lowered and I wound up loving the movie. Maybe I’m just getting old and the basket case on The Breakfast Club was right: turning into our parents is inevitable. If that’s true, I suppose I could do a lot worse.
Another child?
I thought the title of this post would get everyone’s attention. No, we are not expecting. Julia and I were riding bikes and she was talking about how Conrad is riding Weston’s old bike and Harper could ride Julia’s old bike. She said something about what would happen when we have more…
Rich: More what?
Julia: More kids.
Rich: What gave you the idea that we will have more kids?
Julia: Well, we might. You don’t know.
Rich: I don’t???
Julia: Well, you might have an idea, but you don’t know for certain.
So, now I’m trying to figure out if we just had the big father-daughter talk.
Burglar
From my bedroom, I hear a loud thud. This isn’t all that uncommon, so I keep doing whatever it was I was doing. I hear another thud. And another. I decided it was time to see what was going on. I walk in the living room and Weston has a chair from the kids’ table held high over his head. He told me the thud was from his throwing the chair. I asked him not to do that anymore and, out of curiosity, asked him why he was repeatedly picking up the chair and throwing it. He told me, in case there was a burglar, he wanted to show the burglar how strong he was.
Methpelier
There is a little town by Bear Lake called Montpelier, where we go to see movies (The movie theater is worthy of its own post). There is a big hill with an M on it. As part of an anti-drug campaign, the city decided to add an “ETH” after the “M” and put a red cross through it. Though I think the merits of the idea certainly could (and should) be debated, there was also a problem in the execution of the idea. The red cross hardly shows up at all. So, Montpelier had a giant “METH” on the hill as people drive into the town. The creators of the sign had this to say about it:
You can see it from about five miles away. The red doesn’t show up as well as I would have liked it to. But I’m still very happy with it. I have had a lot of adults come up and say that M Hill looks great. It’s so big and it’s impossible to miss!
Bedtime Stories
This is what Julia drew after watching Bedtime Stories:
“Those would be big on a cow.”
Tough Love
After a delicious lunch at Whole Foods I started to feel a little sick. Walking around downtown Portland, I suddenly knew the time was near: I was going to throw up. Now, when I throw up, it is VIOLENT. It is LOUD. And, of course, it is MESSY. I looked around to find the best place to do such a thing. There was a garbage can in front of me, but I just couldn’t bring myself to stick my head in it. There were several restaurants, but it just seemed wildly inappropriate. The best option seemed to be some planters. I thought it might even fertilize the plants or have some other beneficial side effect I don’t understand. I went around the corner to find one on a not-so-busy street and paused for a second. Next to the planter was a young couple — high school age, maybe — making out. Now, it was the type of making out in public that annoys everybody. Even if I wanted to find a different spot (which didn’t happen to be the case), I was running out of time. I walked over to the planter, placed my hands on the edge and let out a really big dry heave. Rather than vomit, what came out was a big painful scream. I can’t really say what their reaction was, but it had to have been good after seeing this guy walk over to their planter, grab the edge like he’s going to pull it apart, then yell at the top of his lungs for no apparent reason. Serves ’em right.
Sorry there is no photo to go along with this, not that you would want one.