Archives: richie

Disappointed

Conrad was having an exceptionally good basketball game and was nailing every shot. Literally every shot. I didn’t know the man sitting next to me, and he didn’t know I was Conrad’s dad. He noticed Conrad and muttered to himself, “Wow, that kid has a good arm.” By the end of the game, Conrad had made every shot except one free-throw.

At the end of the game, Conrad walked up to me and was excited to point out that he had made every shot. I congratulated him, but I did point out that he missed a free throw. (I always tell him that you don’t miss free throws or lay-ups.) The man sitting next to me, now realizing that I was Conrad’s dad, looked at me with wide eyes that seemed to say, “Wow, you are harsh.”

King Con richie

Merit Badge

The scouts are working on their architecture merit badge, and they asked me to give a presentation about INTERGALACTIC. I think the presentation went well, but all of the ceremony before the presentation took me by surprise. I was never a scout, so I didn’t know any of the pledges or gang signs. I gave a peace sign for the first one, hang-loose for the second, and the heavy-metal horns for the third. That’ll teach ’em to ask me to do something with the scouts.

richie

Drinking and Driving

I normally don’t drink soda. I just never really liked it. I also don’t drink alcohol.

Years ago, we were driving home after a family trip to the coast, and I suddenly felt really, really tired. In a rare move, I stopped at a tiny convenience store, in a tiny town, and bought a Coke. (I now realize that I should have just let Claire drive.) Apparently, the kids realized something unusual was happening because I heard Harper whisper to the others, “Papa’s drinking alcohol.”

drunken midgets Good Ju-Ju richie

Ocean Size

w-on-cape-lookout
Yesterday, we went to Cape Lookout for a Saturday hike. We were expecting it to rain, but the weather was incredible. We were walking along the edge and looking at the ocean a bazillion feet below. The kids were asking about its size relative to Bear Lake, and Claire said, “This particular ocean is the largest ocean,” and I chimed in and said, “this specific ocean…”

If you say it quickly, it sounds like “this Pacific Ocean”…get it? It is one of my better old-man jokes. Thanks for setting it up, honey.

my family and other animals rich and beautiful richie

Crazy

Today, a friend told me that I was the most straight-laced crazy person he knows.

How does one take this?

richie

Whale!

We had been on the boat for about 10 minutes, but I had already lost hope of seeing any whales. I really like whales. Whales and octopuses (or “octopi” if you prefer) tie for first place on my list of coolest living creatures. (Have you seen this video? Or this one?)

So, in order to avoid disappointment, I was comforting myself with the fact that the boat ride was already a lot of fun. We were all standing at the front of the boat, enjoying the wind and the waves. Everyone was looking off to the right, where the most recent sighting had been.

Maybe I was wallowing a bit (I really wanted to see some whales), but I was staring down at the water in front of the boat. Suddenly, the water became slightly grey, and the grey was expanding, replacing the blue that was there before. There was a little monologue happening in my brain:

Hey, what’s that?
I think that might be a whale!
A whale!
That’s a whale!!

Although my brain was screaming, I wasn’t saying a word — and no one else was either.

Suddenly, I just started yelling, “WHAAAAAAAAAALE! WHAAAALE! WHAAAALE! WHAAAAAALE!”

Noise erupted as everyone noticed the whale emerging from the water. It was so close, the boat had to slam on the brakes and quickly switch to reverse to avoid an accident.

On second thought, maybe the octopus is a close second.

drunken midgets my family and other animals rich and beautiful richie

Win-Wins!

Sometimes it is entertaining to read old journal entries. This is what I wrote one day in 2008:

…Claire said if I can’t find a good job in Portland, living in Utah is still a really great option. She described it as a win-win situation. Here are some other win-wins from yesterday:

1) Conrad threw up a few times, but the rug needed cleaning anyway.

2) I lost my silver iPod, but who needs four iPods anyway.

3) I broke my toe, but this particular toe is sort of useless anyway.

rich and beautiful richie

Double Dragon

I have decided that my world revolves around food enough that I want to post about restaurants that I thoroughly enjoy. Today, I went to a regular favorite, Double Dragon. I normally get the amazing pulled pork sandwich, but today I tried the special, a Szechuan peppercorn burger. It was delicious! Check them out if you’re in SE Portland.

DD-logo

Double Dragon 5-spice burger

Food richie

Happy Birthday Papa

Claire: Good night, Harper. Happy birthday.
Harper: Thank you, Mama. I love you.
Rich: What about Papa?
Harper: Happy birthday, Papa.

Hardy Har Har-per richie

Follow that Rope

The Van Gogh Museum in Amsterdam is under construction, so the exhibit is currently housed in the Hermitage Museum. I followed the map (iPhone’s Maps) to the museum that’s under construction where they are still selling tickets. When they gave me the tickets they told me to follow the rope and pointed up. I looked up and saw a red rope wrapping around the building. I thought this might lead to a map.

When I got to the other side of the building, I saw the rope extending out through the city, stretching between buildings, trees, and lights — criss-crossing streets and rivers — turning corners, hopefully leading to where I might find the exhibit. I’m sure I looked like an idiot walking down the street, staring up at this red rope. The path stretched over three miles — and not in a straight line. It seems like an idea one of my kids would have come up with but that never would have gone anywhere in the US. Props to Amsterdam for making it happen.

miscellaneous debris richie