Weston and I went to McDonald’s — or Old MacDonald’s as he calls it. The Happy Meal comes with a few choices: nuggets, burger, fries…and, if you want the nuggets, there are a bunch of weird sauces you can get with them. I repeat the choices to Weston and realize this is a very important decision for him. As I wait for an answer, I notice he’s thinking so hard, his ears are wiggling. Now, West is really good at wiggling his ears. He usually does it just to appease his parents, but apparently, it’s more than an amusing human trick.
Old MacDonald’s
April 4th, 2010Richie
March 30th, 2010Claire and I have our songs like every other couple. Because I rarely sing, I thought it would be a fun gift if I recorded myself singing all of “our songs” and make a CD for her. Now, this was never intended to be a CD that she actually listens to, at least not more than once. The idea was to sing it with my own version of the lyrics, bad imitation of the singer’s voice, and an overall listening experience that one could only endure once, but that would hopefully get a good laugh.
I finally set out to record myself singing these songs in a nearby church parking lot where there were no cars. I pulled out my laptop and starting to sing as loudly as I could into the microphone. It was so loud, I am sure the sound escaped the car. These ideal circumstances lasted about ten seconds. Quickly, the parking lot started to fill up with cars. People were walking by, staring at some guy sitting alone in his car, yelling. I couldn’t stop because I was in the middle of a song and, besides, people kept coming. There must have been an event or something. I was determined to make this CD, so I kept singing.
I finish recording, go home, find a Lionel Richie album cover and photoshop out the “Lionel” so it just read “Richie.” I then put my face on Lionel Richie’s body, preserving his mustache and afro. And no, I’m not posting any of the songs or the album cover.
Pistoss
March 28th, 2010
We are at a restaurant and I ask Conrad how he likes his dinner. He turns his head and says, “Well, it’s just a little pistoss.” Claire seems to understand perfectly, so I ask her what “pistoss” is. She tells me it’s just a word that Conrad has been using lately. I ask Conrad what “pistoss” means and he answers, “Pistoss means stupid.” We told the kids not to use the word “stupid” when talking about people, so Conrad made up his own.
When Harper smiles…
February 12th, 2010
…she also sticks her tongue out at me. I never know if she’s laughing with me or at me.
Rich changes a tire
January 21st, 2010I changed my first tire the other day. I took the spare out, rolled it to the far end of the garage by the front of the two cars, turned it, and leaned it up against the wall. I walked about 20 feet and grabbed the jack. As I was walking back, I noticed the tire was not where I left it. I got to the spot between the two cars in time to see the tire rolling out of the garage, quickly. I ran after it, but it beat me to the end of the driveway and turned down the street. Seriously, it just made a right after rolling out of the garage. It was like a remote control tire — and the driver was some punk hiding in a tree, laughing at me.
We live on a bit of a hill, so the tire started cruising down the street. I ran as fast as I could after it and tried kicking to knock it over. It wobbled a little but kept rolling, faster and faster. I tried again and, once again, there was a little wobble but it had too much momentum at this point. Finally, I charged the tire and was able to at least change its course. It rolled right into the driveway of someone who lives too far from us to really be considered a neighbor, came to a stop as though the punk kid had grown tired of playing with me, and toppled over.
In my dreams
January 15th, 2010
I woke up the other morning and Claire told me that I said something in my sleep. This is always good news for me because I don’t ever remember anything and it’s fun to try and guess what it means about my subconscious. This time, apparently, I giggled and said, “EXCELLENT!”
The first incident happened right after we were married. This was when Claire wasn’t sure if I was talking in my sleep because, apparently, I speak clearly…well, I speak the same as I normally do. So, I sat up, pointed my finger around the room and said, “And we’ll have flamingos here, here, and here.”
My favorite story was when Claire was 8 months pregnant with Julia and sound asleep. This time, I guess my tone was more urgent than the others, “Turn on the lights.” Claire replied, “I’m pregnant. You turn on the lights.” I repeat, “Turn on the lights.” Claire wondered what could have been so important to justify disturbing her slumber, rolled herself out of bed (Not really…Claire hardly shows when she is pregnant. I just wanted to make it more dramatic), and turned on the lights. Immediately, I covered my eyes and said, “What are you doing?!?! Turn off the lights!” Claire, not amused, retorted, “You told me to!” Understandably irritated because Claire just woke me up for no reason, I turned over and went back to sleep.
I get a bigger kick out of this story than Claire does.
Harper’s Journal
January 1st, 2010We started a journal for Harper and Julia wanted to illustrate it. This was the first page that Julia did:
Now that’s just inappropriate.
I want my two dollars!
December 30th, 2009I feel like I am getting into a lot of controversial topics lately and I promise to get back to the regular nonsense after this…If there is one thing I HATE, it’s contacting technical support. It raises my blood pressure just thinking about it. So, I want to share my one positive experience — and it just so happens to have been with my beloved Apple. I bought an iPhone app the other day that turned out to be a complete waste of money. So, I reported a problem to iTunes. I got a message immediately that said it was forwarded to the makers of the app — not exactly what I wanted. I sent another message saying I want my money back. I got this reply within an hour or two:
Good morning Richard,
Mikey here, from the iTunes Store. I understand you wrote in a few days ago about your application “GoDocs” that doesn’t work and asking for a refund. I also see that you haven’t received a reply from that email and would like to know why. I can certainly see how eager you are to have this resolved and, I apologize for the email not getting to you. Richard, I will be happy to assist you with this today.
I have reversed the charge for the purchase. A credit of $1.99 should be posted within five business days to your store credit and credit card.
As a goodwill gesture and for the delays, I have issued 3 replacement song credits to your account. You can use the credits to buy songs of your choice from the iTunes Store.
When you sign in to the iTunes Store with this account, the song credits will appear by your account name in the upper-right corner of the iTunes window. The next time you buy a song from the iTunes Store, one song credit will be used to pay for the purchase. Please note that song credits cannot be used for purchasing songs that are listed as “Album Only.”
If you don’t see the credits, choose Sign Out from the Store pull-down menu at the top. Then choose Sign In from the Store menu, enter your account name and password, and click Sign In. Your song credits should now appear next to your account name.
I thank you for giving me the opportunity to assist you today, should you have any further questions don’t hesitate to reply to this email.
Happy Holidays!
Sincerely,
Mikey
iTunes Store Customer Support
It’s a small thing, but it surprised me enough that I wanted to publicly thank them for not being punks over $2. I’m sure PC makers would have been jerks. PCs…boo!
KISS
December 29th, 2009
Julia’s friend had a birthday party and everyone was supposed to dress up like rockstars. The whole idea was inspired by Hannah Montana and Julia is not a fan. So, I suggested we paint her face like the band KISS. She, of course, has no idea who KISS is, but went along with the idea anyway. I asked Julia what her friends thought of her face painting and she said, “Well, the adults all seemed to like it.”
The boys felt left out, so we painted their faces as well. Conrad wanted a blonde beard. We couldn’t talk him out of it.
